Journal-2 Bits of evolution

Date: 03.06.2020

Day: Wednesday

“I write this after reading the stuff on the previous snippet (dated: 13.03.2020). TBH, there aren’t much changes in the struggles mentioned above. I’m pretty much the same. But I can proudly say that I have evolved. Even if it’s just an inch; I have moved forward. There is visible progress. Though I mentally suffer from the judgements and opinions of others, I’ve realized that no matter what I do, people are still gonna gauge me for my acts and deeds. So I pondered, “Why not do stuff that makes me happy?” After all, it’s my happiness that matters in the end. I am recovering, piece by piece. Every day, I am progressing towards the higher version of myself. I’ve also learned that my fear of other’s thoughts and judgements is metaphorically a thorn in my life. I’ve been covering up the thorn; trying to alleviate the pain. I tried to reduce the pain by protecting it. My main way of protection was masks. Rainbow colored masks on my black and white soul. I put a mask on my insecurities to feign I was someone else. So that no one judged me. So that I would be the kind of girl that everyone likes. I was such a people pleaser because I couldn’t bear when someone judged me. As time passed, I discerned that the longer I put my mask on, the more painful was the thorn. Now I realize that the real solution was not protecting or covering up my insecurities aka the thorn. I should have taken out the thorn in the first place. I shouldn’t have let it grow and pierce me deeper and deeper. Now that I found out the permanent cure (from the book- The Untethered Soul), I finally learned to live my life. The way I want my life to be. Regardless of what others think.

However, even now, others opinions still seem to chew me up inwardly. But not to a greater extent. I’ve learned to bring my mind under control. I’ve learned to become aware of my thoughts. Now, my life feels more euphoric and positive. All thanks to the book.”

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