Journal-10 Nadir of life

Date: 05.02.2021

Day: Friday

” Y’all, I’m at my hometown with my mom right now. Honestly speaking, I wasn’t really in a mood to write this down, but then something told me that jotting down my feelings would make me feel better. Hence, here I am. So let’s get into today’s venting. Lately, ever since I’ve landed here in Kochi, I’ve been feeling stuck. More like a mental block. Like I’m not progressing in my life, not even an inch forward. There is a visible dip in my interests and hobbies. It’s like my mind is stagnant and there isn’t any fire or any sort of motivation in me. I legit feel that I am at the nadir of my life. There’s an upcoming test and I am unbothered. I have to start applying for internships and yet, I am totally unmoved by it. It’s like nothing can push me into getting things done. Why am I like this now? I miss being motivated. And you know what the worst part is? I don’t even see angel numbers now. A paucity of satisfaction in life is what is going on now. Nothing seems appealing now. I am so damn numb to fascinations and excitements. It’s like I’ve got absolutely no feelings at all. Is it normal to feel this way, or rather, not feel anything at all? I hate to say this but, even writing this down failed to provide me with my usual quota of complacency. Sigh.  I genuinely hope that this is a launching pad to a successful life ahead. Fingers crossed.

Yo, I am back after a few hours to update this writing. My dad just sent me a picture of a baby dates plant. An infant date palm, I suppose. The one I had planted two months ago. It finally sprouted when I was least expecting it. I feel this “no motivation-numb” feeling indicates that I am that seed. I am embedded in the depths of fertile soil, only to emerge as a new lush plant one day. Well, I’d be lying if I say that this didn’t boost my mood.”

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