Journal-17 The major shift

Date: 27.04.2021

Day: Tuesday

“Huh. Tell me you didn’t notice that my previous writing was exactly a week ago. Coincidence? Course not. So I popped in here to say that this writing is a tad different than the rest. Here goes. Where do I begin from? Let’s just say that I know I am different now. Different in a way where I no longer fear to put my face in my profile picture. Yes, that is one big achievement for me. Cause the mere idea of exposing even a bit of myself created mental trembles in me. But now, I’ve taught myself not to give a damn about what others say. I honestly don’t care what my friends think about it or anyone for that matter. Funny thing is that such opinions and judgements used to bug me mentally. It was like I couldn’t be my true self with all the judging going on. I feared. I was in a deep void state, hiding from everyone. Scared even to talk to people. And all this while I thought it was because I was shy and introverted and socially anxious. But nope, that wasn’t it. It took me years to realize that it was the fear of people judging my acts that hindered me from revealing my authentic self. And now, I have managed to harness that fear. I cannot, I fucking cannot live in a bubble anymore just because of fear. No. Not anymore, bitch. Cause this baby decided to give out her full self. Well, not exactly full self. I do have some pieces of fear remaining in me ngl. But I can proudly say that I’ve finally got the audacity to start doing things that make me feel good about myself; rather than doing stuffs to please others. God, I feel so good. I literally feel like a complete whole new person already. You know what, this is just the beginning. Slowly, layer by layer, I’m gonna peel off my feign coatings of fear and people pleaser attitude. I already feel like a powerful person. Good for me. This change was actually one of my new year’s resolutions. I’m glad that the change is already taking place and we haven’t even reached the half of 2021. One of my other new year’s resolutions was to lose a few handfuls of kilos in 2021. And guess what? I already shed off like a dozen of kgs. Like whaaat? The first half of this year is already checking off most of my resolutions. So uhm guess that’s all for now? Yeah, this is what I wanted to share with y’all today. The change. And again, I know it’s gonna sound cheesy but I’m gonna say it anyways. I am extremely grateful and beyond indebted to the Universe for making things in my favour. Thank you and I really mean it. Take care.”