Journal-18 Should I or should I not?

Date: 03.05.2021

Day: Monday

“First things first. The good news is that this is my first piece of my birth month. I know, it sounds weird to be excited for birthdays at this age. But honestly guys, I am beyond thrilled to get over my teen hood and enter into 20s. Now this might be something that I may regret saying in the future. But, as of now, I am stoked. God, I am so done being a teenager. Not that I actually behave like one, but it’s more about how people viewed me as a teen. Now that’s gonna end, cause this bitch is turning 20. Hell yeah! Now secondly, the reason why I am here is to talk about how I feel deep within now. Few days ago, my mom hyped me up to start a new Instagram account. (For those of you in search of context, I’ve never had my own IG account, like ever. Why? Cause the thought of it made me socially anxious and stressed, and hence I’ve refrained from starting. But being socially inactive has led me to think that I’ve been missing out on massive chunk of fun on the Internet. Thus, the double mind of whether I should dive into social media or now). Ngl, I was really thrilled about it when she mentioned it, but…There’s always a but. I keep having second thoughts about it. Like y’all know how much I wanna start one, but I am really terrified of my mental condition. I know I’m gonna compare myself to others. I know I’m gonna compare the number of followers of others with mine. And I fucking know how I’m gonna perceive as everyone being way better than me and how much of a glow up they’ve had. I will get FOMO. All these “whys” are what kept me away from starting an account. But since my mom’s on board with this whole idea (which was so unlike her and I was pretty shocked by it), I feel I should start one now. You know, so that I wouldn’t regret of not creating an account later in my life. See, this is all so overwhelming for me. I know I am thinking too much, but this is how my brain works. Anyway, I will let you know in a few days if I have created one or not. Genuinely speaking though, I really want one, ngl. But I also don’t wanna suffer from the these mentally created problems. Maybe if I change the way how I perceive it, then starting an account wouldn’t be so bad for my mind after all. I should try to view it through an optimistic p.o.v. Maybe that will help to have an account without having to go through all this shit. Well, anyway, we will wait and see. I’ll keep you guys in the loop. Love you.”