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Journal-21 Miserable? Chill, it’s temporary.

Date: 19.05.2021

Day: Wednesday

“Uhm, hey. Well, I think it’s pretty obvious from the “hey” that I have no intention in writing this today. I just want to be on my laptop, pretending to type something. Also, I wanna distract myself from checking my phone. And adding on, I wanna listen to music as well. I’m one of those people who force themselves to work on their computers just so they could play a nice beat in the background. You know, consciously listening to your favorite songs is definitely leisurely. But playing em on the background whilst you are carried away in your work always hits different. I can’t exactly place a finger on why that’s true. But anyway, here I am, randomly pecking the keys on my laptop. Okay, I have to be completely honest with y’all. I am a tad nail-biting nervous. Why? Because I posted the first ever poem that I’ve written on Miraquill. And so far, I’ve just got 1 like. Kinda feel discouraged to write more. Yes, I’m aware that our worth isn’t based on the number of likes or followers. Yet, our human mind naturally tends to judge ourselves by these “fake” criteria. That’s a part of being a human, I guess. Well, it’s all a phase of the writing journey. Ups and downs are inevitable in any hobby or career that you pursue. You gotta face em in order to succeed in your journey. Also, sigh, I messed up a friendship. Why do I keep fucking up friendships with guys? I try to be friendly and ugh, I mess up everything. AHH! And why am I so possessive about such friends? It’s so negative. At least, I figured out that the problem lies in me and not with those people. All this while, how foolish of me was it to think that the issue was with the guys. But nope, I was wrong. So, the positive side of this concerning matter is that I finally realized that it all lies in me. So I just gotta figure out how to fix that deep rooted possessiveness. Identifying the ground from which your problems emanate is the first step towards resolving them. So that’s cool. It means I’m evolving. Progressing. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that I came back to Bahrain. I got my Radio back, Modern Family on the binge and loud music blasting up too. Gosh, I missed this. So yeah, not everything is going bad in my life right now. Looks like the Universe has given me more reason to feel blessed than to mindlessly complain.

Update: it’s 27-06-2021 Thursday and while reading this (the above piece), I just realized I don’t remember a thing of what I’ve written. When did I mess up with my friend? As long as I remember, I know we were in good terms all through the week. Honestly, I can’t recall anything else. See, this shows that none of our irrationally f-ed up feelings are permanent. In the long run, you won’t even remember why you were miserable in the first place. Life keeps changing, you’ll find new things to fixate on and it moves on. Nothing’s a total mess in life. This is a reminder to anyone who’s been feeling moody lately. All our negative emotions are temporary. Cliché? I know, but bear with me here. Trust me when I say that you wouldn’t even remember what caused you to feel sulky and grey in the future. Give yourself some time, don’t beat yourself up and the sunshine will soon taper off the gloomy clouds of life.

Love you guys, and take care. I’ll see you soon. Bye!”

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