Journal-25 Turning 20

Date: 30.05.2021

Day: Sunday

“It’s 30th of May. Finally, the day is here. I’m finally 20. Yes queen, that’s right. I just became an adult. How cool is that? Okay now, I’m dying to elaborate today’s events to y’all. Starting from the moment I woke up, till the I sat down to write this past my bedtime, let me a paint you a detailed picture of today. Wait, actually I wanna start from the moment right before I got cracking. I distinctly remember my day starting off a bit hazy. Well, was it a dream or not? I can’t quite figure it out. I wanna intricately include every bit of today, cause it’s worth remembering. Okays, let’s get into it.

Time: probably around 6a.m. Sleepy. Not really conscious. Literally zero level of awareness. Well, I guess not zero, cause I do remember what happened then. So, I’m on my bed, half asleep. A part of me was awake. As I slowly try to drift back to sleep, I feel this some sort of detachment from reality. It’s really knotty to explain this feeling. While I was sleeping, I had this deep inkling within that Mr. ND (disclaimer: name kept anonymous for obvious reasons) was with me. I could literally feel his presence. As I forced myself to go back to sleep, I felt he was alienating himself from me. I could feel that void when his presence gradually disappeared. I have no clue why I felt this way about him. It felt spiritual in a way. The more conscious I got, the farther he disappeared. And no, I haven’t been obsessing over him as I used to because, you know, I was busy getting worried about my birthday. Anyway, I strongly believe that it was a sign, cause it was kind of unusual and also it was my first thought on my birthday. Moving forward, I fall back to sleep again.

Time: 6:15-ish, I guess. Deep sleep. I’m reminded of my big day. I start getting nightmares of all the possible ways my day could be ruined. I had dreams like short films, for instance, I dreamt that what if no one wishes me on the class group? Or what if my best friend forgets to wish me? What if I had to wake up to zero wishes? You know, all the “what ifs” questions. My brain managed to think of all the probable negative outcomes, which in fact made me more anxious to get out of my bed.

Time: 6.30. I wake up at 6:35. Earlier than usual days. First thing I do is check my notifications. Phew, there were 10 wishes on the class group, a birthday video from my friend and also, from my family. I was relieved. And when I tell you that, I was literally relaxed at the sight of that. Like phew, no one actually forgot about my existence on this planet. I went ahead to freshen up, and went to get on with more birthday wishes. Damn, it totally made my day.

Fast forward to post-lunch. But I didn’t feel like watching my usual TV shows. Instead I went on Youtube, and listened to the songs that were once-a-upon-a-time my favorites. By that I mean, Eilish’s old songs, Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes, and most importantly, Love Me Like You Do. That song that never fails to tear me up. Fifty Shades Of Grey never gets old. It’s a timeless piece. It’s not just the movie, but each words embedded in the book always gets me a tad misty eyed. Those days, when my brain was all about Ana and Christian, were indeed a phase worth remembering.

Moving on, fast forward to evening. Around 8, I dolled up a bit for the surprise cake cutting planned by my parents. By dolled up, I mean I got my nails done, cause I was bored. The pop music swallowed in the background, the lightings and the entire ambience, as a whole, totally gave off some jammin’ vibes, ngl. My birthday pastries were beyond amazing. So were the gifts. And the one that allures me the most was the notebook. A plain notebook, yes, but I was thrilled to get one. Yes, I have a thing for notebooks. I immediately made plans to turn it into a journal. Yaay me! All this was followed by a lovely dinner by my dad. Seriously guys, the whole credit for the finest birthday ever has to go to my parents. I know I won’t tell them directly, cause you know. Well, I am so grateful for the splendid evening arranged within a short span of time. They totally pulled it off. I really appreciate the effort put into this. And above all, I thank the Universe for this day. I know I could rely on the Universe, even though I was all frazzled yesterday. I knew You would never disappoint me, cause I saw all the 111s yesterday. I trusted You and prayed for a good birthday. Instead, I was gifted with the most amazing birthday ever. I am truly, very truly grateful for all that I have received.”

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