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Journal-33 Weekend thoughts

Date: 29.07.2021

Day: Thursday

“It’s the weekend here and we’re waiting for our kuboos (a type of Arabic bread) and grilled chicken from Al Abraj, a popular Arabic restaurant in Bahrain. It ain’t a weekend night if there’s no Arabic food on the table lol. So yeah, pretty excited for it, ngl. Okays, so what am I doing here on a weekend when I have tons of assignments to turn in and seminars next week? Yeah, you guess it, this bitch here is back to vent. So what’s wrong today? Hmm let’s do a quick recap. I was doing perfectly fine till around 4pm when my mom asked about my poem. The poem was a tad edging towards melancholy, truth being said. It talks about how I long for a person even when he has left me heartbroken. Y’all, I’m a poet and my imagination is the only limit, or at least that’s what I think. Well, apparently, my mom asked if there was any particular person that I’ve been missing. She assured me saying that no matter what, she’ll always be there for me. And that hit me deep. Was I missing someone? Did I have a specific person in my mind while writing this poem? Duh no, or at least that what I thought. And it got me into thinking. What if I was missing someone and I wasn’t acknowledging it? Or maybe it’s a piece of my creativity? You know, Taylor Swift writes all these sorts of break up songs and she said she had to “scrounge” her brain to write these types of songs. So chances are there that I was highly creative. But my mind wasn’t convinced. My dumbass brain wanted to overthink and find out who this poem is actually about. Is it about the friend that I text every day? Or is it about my ex-crush from high school? Or is the poem about ND (anonymity maintained for obvious reasons) whom I couldn’t and still can’t get out of my mind, though I don’t think about him often than I used to. That’s when it hit me. So, every night I text my friend and that has sort of become a thing. So if either of us doesn’t see each other for a night, it ends in numerous messages about the whereabouts and missed call(s). And yeah, I do miss talking to him even if it’s a night we didn’t get to talk. And this is what I had thought till yesterday. But last night, I was engaged in a bickering convo with an old friend of mine. Well, apparently, both of us were busy with something (or someone else) last night. The question is: did I miss him last night? Unfortunately, no. I did not. So what does it mean? It means that I only miss him when there’s no one else to talk with. In conclusion, it means that I crave human attention; not him or anyone in particular. I just need a person to talk with, and idgaf who that person is. This is the gist of my poem: every time I get attached to a person, they leave from my life. And I get sad and depressed till I find a new replacement. See, that’s all it takes. It’s only a matter of time till I find myself get attached to a new person and watch them leave me. Huh I’ve finally understood my inner thoughts. Cheers to me for that. Alrighty then, I feel relieved talking about this. It’s like I am my own therapist. Anyway, good night cause I’ve got a shitload of stuffs to get done with. Bye!

P.S.: another lesson that I had learned lately. Whatever I do in the spur of the moment, they all tend to have great consequences. Like, things happen exactly or even better than the way I could imagine. Whereas, whatever I do after a lot of time thinking and planning doesn’t end up pretty well. Moral? Always trust your intuition. Trust that sudden urge of energy to do something and act in the moment. Don’t pause and think. Just do it. Cause that moment is the divine timing. It’s either that timing or never. So next time you have an urge to do something unreasonable or irrational, just f-king do it and forget about the consequences. The Universe will deliver to you exactly what It thinks is best for you.”

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