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Journal-36 It’s over.

Date: 07.09.2021

Day: Tuesday

“Fate. Vicious cycle of ill-fate is my life. This is how I feel rn. Soo pissed to even write this down. But I need to get it off my chest, and this is the only way. It’s him again. Of course it’s always some dude that ruins my mood. To be clearer, it’s Mr. AJ from the previous snippet. Ugh, I’m a person who doesn’t trust anyone, yet I fall for people who appear to be “prince fucking charming” on the façade…only to be ditched by them later. Eww also I can’t believe my journal has turned into one of adolescent girl’s diary with all this cheesy stupid shit. UGH! FML. Anyway, so this guy posted a story on IG (I knew something of this sort would bother me when I started this IG account). It was picture of him and his ex, an old one during their college days. What the actual fuck? Like wtf bruh?? Are you really stupid or what? And yeah, to make things worse, he hasn’t been responding to my texts. Well, thanks for giving me something to get depressed now. My compulsive overthinking process has begun. Well, the dilemma right now is whether I should confront him or not. Should I just pretend that I didn’t see that stupid picture? Well, y’all know that I can’t stay silent in situations like these. I gotta raise my voice. And idgaf if it worsens things up, because it’s better to break up over the truth than date over a lie. Omg, perfect line for a poem. Yes, I smiled. But then, is it rational for me to react this way? Cause we are definitely more than just “friends”, but are we actually in a relationship? Whatevs. So yeah, I don’t give a damn if it’s gonna affect whatever we have going on, cause I need people to know that I cannot be treated this way. It’s time he came to know the real me. On a side note, I think this is a pretty evident sign from the Universe that I really need to stop wasting time over this shit. It’s totally not worth my time. I know this. But yeah, guess I needed a valid reason to stop this shit once and for all. I need to focus on my life, my priorities. Ugh. Makes me wonder why I even encountered these worthless humans. If I hadn’t met these bitches, I’d still be focused on my life. I don’t get the reason behind all this. Smh. Sigh, why does this keep happening to me? I know the Universe is trying to teach me something, but is this the only way to teach me? I’m sure there are less depressing ways for me to learn something. But at least this time I have to audacity to speak up and not give a fuck about ruining anything. God, it feels great to be a heartless bitch. I ain’t gonna lose anything out of this, cause if anything, there are only gains here for me. What do I got to lose? Bitch, I have made up my mind and I am so fucking done with him. I am done. Only thing I’m scared of is that if he’s gonna end it before I do. Cause then that’s so gonna hurt my ego. So I have to dump him before he gets a chance. And I am gonna do it tonight. It’s over and out, y’all. I might actually have a peaceful sleep tonight. Anyway, it’s a sign and I claim it. He made me feel like shit and I am gonna leave him for that. Period.”

PS: Well, I did confront him about that picture with his “ex”, and turns out she was just a “close friend” from his college. I mean I do kinda feel sheepish on this one, but don’t they all call their exes as “close friends from the past”?

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