Journal-38 Resurrection

Date: 14.09.2021

Day: Tuesday

“Y’all I am tired. Tired of useless shit. Tired of being treated like shit. Just tired, in general. That crappy dude Mr. AJ put me on read today. Yeah I know I’m supposed to be all upset and whiny about it. But honestly, with this exam stress going on, I really don’t have the energy to worry about some random dude ghosting me. Like at this point, I don’t even care. I’m done caring about this stupid shit. Well, at least I’ve made up my mind that I will not be treated like shit again. No one gets to treat me this way. Like bruh, it’s been more than 12 fucking hours and he still hasn’t responded. Lmao bitch, I’m so done with humans in general tbh. Honestly, all I can think about right now is exams. That’s all that is going on my mind. I’m glad that idgaf about these pointless stuffs these days. Like bitch, do whatever you please. I ain’t got the time and energy to deal with your shit right now. Oh and also, I forgot to mention. I’ve been feeling literally dead for the past few days, ever since they announced my exam schedule. I’ve been a walking dead creature for the past 5 days. No music, no poetry, no Netflix. Basically doing none of the things that I like. Fast forward to this noon, during my siesta, my heart was weirdly racing fast. Like I could actually feel my heart pump out of my chest. I couldn’t take a nap. My chest keep pounding. I was scared as I got weird scary thoughts in my mind about near-death experiences. God forbid. But during all this, there was this thought that kept recurring. It was about girl who stopped loving her man and all that. I wanted to pen it down into a poem. I got up. Rushed to my laptop, for that moment, I was like, “Fuck exams. I’m gonna write a poem now.” And guess what? I wrote two of them. And trust me when I say that I’ve never experienced greater relief in my life. I felt alive again. My heartbeat dropped back to normal. I felt me. I was so glad to feel me again. And all these days, my mind was so hyper-fixated on exams. I had felt disconnected with my own self. And now, penning down emotions in the form of poems literally resurrected me. Not kidding and not exaggerating, y’all. It was indeed an insightful blessing I had. Again, the thing going on with Mr. AJ right now, I know it’s a gift from the Universe. Cause ever since he’s been ghosting me today, I was actually able to set my mind completely onto my studies. So yay on that, cause I’m never going back to those mindless stale conversations again. I have a fucking life to live, bitch. Well guess that’s it for now. Gotta rise and shine early tomorrow, so good night y’all. Ily <3”

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