Journal-39 Is this the end?

Date: 16.09.2021

Day: Thursday

“So it’s Thursday night, and yeah, we’re going to my dad’s friend’s birthday party. Yeah, as much ridiculous as that sounds, it is true though. Well, I at least have something to take my mind off to. Cause the whole day, the only two things in my brain were exams and waiting for Mr. AJ’s text. Damn, I loathe the hell out of him now. Like who tf does he think he is? Does he actually think he can just ghost me the whole day and respond in like 20 hours? God, I’m so pissed at him. Initially he used to respond in like less than a minute, no matter what time of the day. Then minutes turned into a few hours, and now he texts just once a fucking day. And what’s worse…he comes online at different times of the day. Omg, I cannot believe that dude. So guess what I did today? I deleted his number off of my phone. I ain’t gonna let that mf ruin my mood. My bet’s on that he’s found a new person to obsess over. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happened here. Either way, I’m so done. No more responding to that jerk, well if he ever texts back. Also, another thing I’d like to bring up to the surface. The previous time we went over to this friend’s place was the night I confessed my “feelings” on how obsessed I was with him. Well, my compulsive overthinking part of the brain suggests that tonight, since we’re going over to same place, is the night I end things with him once and for all. You know, cause this is the place where things got heated up initially, and I’m pretty sure is where it ends. As much I want him to be honest with me, deep down I don’t want that to happen. It’s cause I don’t think my mind and heart can process that huge chunk of information. I really don’t wanna lose him. Ewww can’t believe I just said that. It’s like he either has to stay in my life or fucking leave. There’s no in between. There’s no room for people who takes a damn whole day to respond. Now my mind confirms that, yeah, today’s the day we end this shit. Sigh, I despise the fact that this same shit keeps happening to me. Honestly, I don’t even know what the Universe is tryna teach me here. Like why tf did I meet him after two whole years, just so that he can ghost me and ditch me for life? Like how am I benefitted from this whole meaningless interaction? Am I missing out something, huh? How is either one of us gonna get any benefits from this? For the first time, I feel disappointed in the Universe. I wish the inevitable event of us splitting apart could be prevented, or at least I wish I knew the whole reason behind this meeting him thing. I still trust the Universe, and nothing’s gonna change that.”

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