Journal-50 New probs!

Date: 27.11.2021

Day: Sunday

“New probs, people! Well, apparently this is what life is. Old problems replaced by new ones. Sigh. The intensity of your current issues fades out once you’re faced with newer ones to worry about. Makes sense? I do hope so. Anyway, so I had taken up Snapchat last week. And you and I both know how that went. So what I intended to talk about is that about my mental health. Well, ngl it’s been really fun snapping all these folks all day long. But ever since I started this whole thing, I’ve been feeling kinda off inside. Like, on the outside, I am one hell of a happy person. It’s like everything’s going well and fine. But if you look inside, inside my head, it’s grey. Pitch grey, not dark though. It’s so murky and obscure within me. Like if I picture my soul right now, it’s fucking foggy and grey. Dull grey. It’s one of those fifty shades. Cause that’s how I feel rn. For starters, I am unable to focus on studies even for a couple of fucking minutes. My mind just wanders off about when my eyes hit the pages. Like what’s wrong with me fr?? But I really want to focus on studies, you see. It’s not that I don’t want to. I really really want to study and prepare for my next exams, whenever that is. See, I’m compelling myself to get motivated. I am trying hard to ignite that spark in me. And secondly, God, I don’t even know how to put it into words. For the past week or so, I mean ever since my mom’s in town, I have this obnoxious obsession with eating. I am fucking addicted to the whole process of chewing and nibbling and biting and munching and crunching  and gnawing. Omg, just save me. It’s really unhealthy now, so unhealthy that I even put on a kilo. One whole kilo has been put onto my body. And yeah, similar to my studies scenario, I really wanna control my diet and get back to eating like a normal person. But I just can’t. I am unable to practise self-control. Ah I have become a victim, a prey of temptations. Each morning I wake up with the thought in mind, “I will practise self-control today. I will consume only what is required; nothing more.” And I fail every breakfast, by over-consuming. But I hope everything goes back to normal when my college life restarts. And that’s day after tomorrow. Hopefully the number on the scale drops down. Okay I know I am being obsessed with ”number based goals”. But this is the only way I know to keep my body in healthy shape. Anyway, that’s all for now. I listened to Emma Chamberlain after a very long time. Probably why I had an impulse to journal this pent-up feelings here. She’s amazing. She’s great. So yeah, see ya guys very soon. Gn <3”

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