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Journal-69 Self-advise session.

Date: 21.01.2022

Day: Friday

“Lesson learned today. Well, it’s more like an epiphany. “Don’t say ‘I love you too’ if you don’t fucking mean it.” Period. I understand you’re sort of put under pressure when someone says that they love you. No. If you don’t have feelings for them, don’t mislead them. You might blurt it out, cause that’s the mistake I made. And I’m still trying to find ways how to subtly end things. Ugh. Stupid me. I mean I’d rather if someone blatantly told me the truth, instead of misleading me into thinking that they actually love me. Don’t give people fake hope-an advice to myself. Okay, this struck me when I was watching Sex Education, when Ruby confessed to Otis about her love and he was still onto Maeve. Like he didn’t blurt out anything that he didn’t mean. That’s when it hit me: my brain and tongue was poorly coordinated when I was told those 3 words. Wish I could go back in time and take it back. Cause now I have to be in a relationship with someone I don’t love. And you know what’s worse? I had to call it quits with the guy that I actually loved. How amusingly dumb of me! At the same time, I am equally glad to have made this move because it has now given me a lot of time to focus on my personal growth. For instance, if I was still on texting and flirting terms with my former person, I don’t think I’d have started blogging or working out. You see, everything happens for a reason. Yes, a cliché line. But still a good reason. So don’t beat yourself up for the silly things you’ve unknowingly done. It’s alright. It’s making space for bigger blessings to come. Also, I don’t see what good could happen from “pretending” to be in this relationship. I do feel sorry for him, cause he genuinely thinks that this train goes two ways. When clearly it’s just one sided. Sigh. I do hope I never have to be in his shoes. I hope I never get stuck with someone who I think might like me, when in reality, he’s just “faking” it. Well, karma’s still here. That’s her job I guess. I ain’t got time worrying about uncertain anticipations.”

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