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Journal-76 Drama, a bit much?

Date: 25.02.2022

Day: Friday

“A shitty day, with overwhelming emotions all over the place and also kinda good day cause my grades in class were pretty decent. Now that’s a one line description of this day. Been a tad down today, you know cause all the shitty drama that happened today. And one of my friends lost his father this morning. So everything’s been kind of messed in my head today. So yeah, you know the usual lack of motivation hits again. Along with one hell of a FOMO. My guy friends on social media are busy going places and getting drunk. It’s the fact that these people get to go wherever they want, whenever and get high on beer is what’s causing this FOMO. I really feel I’m missing out on a major chunk of fun, especially when they invite me as well to hang out with them. But at the same time, I know deep down that this is not the kind of fun that I am seeking for in life. I’m a spiritually awakened being. Not a mere human being who finds pleasure in these naïve basic activities. And now, it’s 10pm. I miss my new-fangled love interest who’s on a flight to his relative’s city tonight. Another reason to get FOMO. Wow. Anyway I hope you know who I’m talking about. It’s Mr. CSG (anonymity maintained for obvious reasons). So yeah I’ve been kinda obsessed with him for the past few days. You remember those initial days when I was like really obsessed with Mr. AJ? Yeah it’s the same shit again, except this time I’m not gonna tell him about my feelings. So tonight since he’s busy going places and flights, and since I wanted to get rid of these emotions to someone, I texted my ex. Yes, the guy I dumped. Sigh. Ultimately, I had to spiral my way back to him. We talked, actually we still are though. And that took my mind off these overwhelmingly itty bitty things. So now thanks to my ex, the guy who almost teared up for me cause I was too rude, he acknowledged my off mood, and comforted me. See, this is why I hesitate to let go of him completely from my life. Cause these “deep” “spiritual” kind of conversations are possible only with him. If I want to have a surface level fun conversation, he’s not the guy for me. I have more than a dozen of people for that. But deep conversations about our existence on this planet, it’s only with him. Sigh. And he thinks I still have feelings for him. Idk well fml. Life’s too overwhelmingly dramatic these days now. I genuinely crave peace of mine now. Literally peace is what I want now. I’m tired fr. I gotta hit the bed now. Good night my lovely people. ILY”

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