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Journal-85 I see light.

Date: 12.04.2022

Day: Tuesday

“Life update. I feel like I’m starting to sound like an influencer now lol. Well, it’s no surprise cause they’re who I watch and listen to 24/7. So yeah, I guess this is like 50th time I gonna say this on my journal…I’m flying again. To Bahrain. Tomorrow. So I thought I might just pop in here to give y’all an update. My mental health has improved a lot since the past few weeks. I mean, you guys know how terrible my condition was. Suicidal thoughts and depressive spirals. God, I honestly thought there was no light at the end of this depressive tunnel. Sick. I was drained, emotionally and physically. I remember I was literally craving death to come rescue me. Now, ever since Mr. AJ has made his return into my life, y’all know how it is lol. I’m at a much better and happier place now. Our relationship has indeed strengthened since last time and yeah, we’ve both learnt something out of this. Oh the 3am conversations with the other night were beautifully worth remembering. I could relive that night again and forever. Both of us confessed how we truly felt about each other. And yeah, he said this 3 months gap was needed to prove how much we needed each other. And I learnt no to get too obnoxiously obsessed over him. He might not respond each day with the same level of energy and sometimes he might not respond at all. And that’s okay. Cause I do that too. We all do. And this is the lesson I learnt upon reuniting with him. He’s got a life, so have I. We both might get carried away with priorities and life. But it doesn’t mean we don’t value each other. It doesn’t mean we don’t want each other. And yeah, guess I had to understand this the hard way. But it’s worth it. So now, I don’t constantly check my phone for his texts. I’m happy that he’s back into my life. Oh yes, ever since he’s back my binge eating fucking mania has scaled down af. Like I don’t overeat now. I can control the quantity that goes into my body. I no longer have a tendency to keep eating now. Was I compensating my lost love with food all this while? Was the consistent binge eating my coping mechanism to fill the void that he had left me with? Damn that’s deep. Either way, we’ll just leave that there. Okay, what’s new what’s new? I’m excited to be traveling via Sri Lanka tomorrow. The lounge is what’s keeping me enthralled. And also, the whole journey is something I’m looking forward to. And I forgot to mention about the fact that I’ve got my fucking exams next month. And this time I am like so chillll. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’ve neglected them completely. I’m just too indulged into other things to worry about it. I mean exams come and make their exit. But certain things in life, like this journey tomorrow and getting to actually experience life, they don’t happen very often. Sigh so yeah, while everyone’s busy cramming up shit, I’m here just chilling. Like literally, if the word chilling had a face, it would be mine. So cool. It’s weird. On a second thought, reeling back to the binge eating mania, maybe the reason why I’ve lost the cravings is because I’m been on a non-veg restrictive diet for the one week. Probably that has brought me to control my mind now. Could be the reason or my initial theory of getting back with Mr. AJ must be it? Either way, I’m glad. Progress is always appreciated. Progress must always be acknowledged. Hmm what else? Oh I’ve been low-key into Tucker’s music lately. His songs kinda hit different ngl. Especially his new album that he’d just dropped. And the little cameo made by Emma in his music videos. Like how fucking adorable is that? Cute. And one more update for today and I’ll let you guys be. I’ve been into dance workouts for the past 2 weeks I guess. So damn good they are. Does it help in major reduction in weight? Well, not that it’s visible. But yeah I’ve become more flexible now and there’s this positive and lively gush if energy through me now. It’s got some really good benefits ngl. Pretty much boosted up my mental health as well. Oh wow, I’ve been here pecking the keys and talking to you guys for about 45 minutes. Time really flows by smoothly when you’re involved and engrossed into penning down your thoughts. I should probably start a podcast on this. More like journal cum podcast. Thoughts on that?”

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