Journal-89 Livin’ it up!

Date: 01.05.2022

Day: Sunday

” This 3 week break in Bahrain is probably the first time where I have enjoyed myself to the last bit of time. Like each day I wake up with a happy soul and an elated mind. Never even once during the past weeks have I woken up dreaded and depressed. I was literally care-free and actually LIVED each dripping second here. Indebted immensely. No guilt for eating whatever my body craves. No regrets for going out thinking-I could have utilized that time for “studying”. Never did I miss an opportunity to go out with my dad to a high ended café or a posh restaurant. Or even grocery shopping, for that matter. Cause as a kid, I distinctly remember how I used to despise all these activities. But living in India has made me realize the worth of my life here. It’s heaven here, an absolute slice of heaven. No cap. Lol look at me using urban lingo out here. No worrisome days about exams. I mean I still got them next week. Am I preparing them every day with a scheduled time table? Absolutely. Am I getting tensed and using it as an excuse to stay back and munch on biscuits and snacks? Duh no honey. I still binge eat though, not because I’m depressed or going spiral. It’s because I want to relish them. I eat not because of some stupid overspill of emotion. If my body’s craving for something, I take it, I eat. No further questions. And this is how I’ve evolved in terms of my binge eating disorder. Am I still gaining weight because of all this constant munching? Obviously. But does it bother me now as it used to? Nuh uh baby. This bitch just cranked up a notch on her evolution ladder. I know my weight is in my hands. I know I can control it when I want to. The buttons to it lie with me, and I am in charge of it. And this has made my relationship with food a lot healthier and I now embrace each morsel I place in my mouth. Coming back, yes, I’m now living a guilt free life. This is what a life should be like. Enjoying every bit of it, at the same time, not letting loose of your priorities. Moderate amount of distraction and reel back in to your priorities. And meanwhile you have fun with every other moment. Do things that you’ve always held back from doing. Cliché? Yes I’m aware. But there’s no simpler way to put it. Well, I’ve had amazing pasta for dinner today. Truth being said, amazing would be an absolute understatement. But it’s the effort that went behind it that elevated the whole experience. Cooking it with dad was a little dad-daughter bonding time. And it wasn’t just the cooking together part, we always went grocery shopping together. Bought herbs, cheese and chicken for the Bechamel sauce pasta. I believe that’s what it is called. Well, either way, no other experience with dad would top this one. So that’s there. Ah the aftertaste of the creamy white sauce still lingers around in my palate. Almost 10pm now, low-key exhausted from the cooking process. Lol I get into the kitchen once in a lifetime and I’m already dead. Now I realize how hard it must be for people who toil every day just to bring something to the table. Respect to em bruh. For real. Hmm is it too early for me to hit the bed now? I mean it’s Sunday. And my exams are next week. I probably should be studying now, given that I didn’t approach my books the entire evening. But I’m tired. I don’t feel anything’s gonna penetrate into my thick brain now. It’s foggy and it’s tired and it needs sleep. Imma sleep now, and rise way ahead of the sun tomorrow. Sigh you and I both know that’s not gonna happen but it’s reassuring. Sort of falsely justifies my action of skipping studies for the night. Alright-y, good night. Sleep it is then, I guess.”

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