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Journal-91 Twentaay-one.

Date: 30.05.2022

Day: Monday

“30th of May, y’all know what’s that now. IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, YES IT IS! HEY! Yeah I know this isn’t an original, it’s from one of Camila’s stories she posted on her birthday. Well nonetheless, it’s pretty apt for today. Oh GOD! I’ve never felt more excited to be alive. Like the fact that I lived (I think survived would be a better word) on this planet for 21 whole freaking years (and counting) is INSANE. After all that shit I’ve been through, all the traumatic experiences, the major depressive phase at the beginning of this year, despite all this…here I am happy to be existing. And look, guess Gaia too agrees with me cause it’s been pouring since the time I got up. And it hasn’t been raining in the past few days. Omg I am indeed blessed. And usually, it was the whole “birthday surprises and cake and stuffs” that used to get me excited. But this year, it’s the mere fact that I am alive is what gets me going. I got up pretty earlier than usual. 5:45am and I was up. Got my hair done. Weirdly, this year it’s not about the wishes or how many people remembers my birthday or anything. It’s me. I am glad to be in good health and I am grateful for the progress I’ve done over the past years. This birthday it’s all about introspection and self-gratification. It’s about prioritizing me over petty bits of surface level satisfactions. Well, I’m still happy to receive treats and wishes. But it’s more about how I treat myself than how others treat me, you know. Cause I’ve realized that I used to depend on people to feel “content” in life, well I still do though at times. But I’ve learnt that how one talks and nurtures to oneself has got a way more significant impact. People ebb and flow into your life. You are meant to be with yourself all throughout. Your being is consistent. Which is why how you “self-talk” with yourself is given emphasis. Wow, look at me getting all philosophical at early dawn. Sigh, see this is one blissful life one could ever ask for. A hot cup of black tea and rain pouring out musical tunes of my birthday, divinely initiating my 21st year. Lol I am really failing to grasp words of gratitude here. I just know that I am really joyful and humble to be here. I love me. And I promise to take care of myself when no one else does. Be strong love, and happy 21!! ILY”


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