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Journal-94 The end, or a disastrous beginning?

Date: 06.08.2022

Day: Saturday

” How am I doing right now? Physically, mentally, how are we feeling today? For starters, I’m overwhelmed af now. So yeah, nothing new there. Let’s see what else? Yup. Remember the guy who I used to obsess over day and night? Well apparently, I ended things with him. Do I regret making the decision? Not really, considering what he’d done, which I will be ranting about in a bit. But most importantly, do I miss his presence in my life? *awkward silence* First of all, lemme point out the fact that 7 months and 2 days are the longest I’ve been with a guy. Even though it’s just through texts and snaps, we were consistently in touch. Which is why I grew attached to him and which is why, this break up hurts more than ever. I’ve practically talked to him almost every day this year.

Keeping this all aside, I have been craving his presence for a week which included 3-4 days of downpour of tears. I don’t think I’ve actually cried thinking about a guy. With Mr. AJ, it was like it hit me real hard and deep mentally. Like there wasn’t much of an outburst of emotions. It was purely internal damage lol. But this, I guess it was a combined result of my on-going depression plus I was PMSing. So yeah, probably why I had to let out my despair through tears and cries. But then, now I guess I moved on. Like yeah I do constantly think about him and go through our old texts but it doesn’t seem to trigger me anymore. Well, do I miss him? Duh yeah, cause I honestly don’t think I’ll ever find a guy like him. He’s the only person who has seen my worst and my best side. I’ve never been more open and vulnerable with anyone else. Like this dude right here gets me deep. It’s rare fr. But yeah, shit happens, things end. C’est la vie, baby! Anyway, that’s what’s been going on for the past one week. Life just goes on about, no matter what. ILY you guys for sharing the ramblings of my ebbs and flows in life.”


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