Date: 23.08 2022
“Phew! Honestly this is like the only piece of time I’ve got to journal. Got my internal exams going on rn. But since I ain’t got class tomorrow, I thought I might take a break this evening to catch up on my sleep and most importantly, my journal. So where are we on life now? Starting off from the juicy part of one’s life, yup dating life. Where are we standing there? Well yeah, after I ended everything with Mr. CSG (the guy I was seeing), I’ve lost that mental energy to consistently text any other guy. I just lost it, y’all. Like I don’t wanna get close to anyone else again. Cause this whole situation has wrecked me apart, though I don’t acknowledge it as much as I should. Yeah, I do miss talking to him. I’ve even talked to my friend about it, and she suggested I should let my ego down and just text him. But then again, as much as I miss him, I really don’t have the energy to start talking to someone. Lol sometimes I wonder if I still have those flirty skills in me. Cause I feel like it’s got all rusty. Whatevs. Anyway, what I meant to say this though there are moments in a day where I crave him, I feel it’s better this way. Cause now we’ve got exams going on. And assignments and usual college shit. Plus with these frequent depressive moods, no girl, I just don’t wanna spiral back to those days. Wow, how did I even have the energy those days to talk to a guy consistently plus focus on my studies and my workouts? Now I barely have the willingness to look after my shit. Damn. Depression does hit people real hard eh. So now, life’s been pretty peaceful. My screen time’s been dropped to 4 hours per day, and it was about 6-8 hours earlier. Lol I used to get more screen time than my sleep time. And now, I get to go sleep any time I want to, I don’t have the urge to check my phone at 2am, thus curbing my insomnia. My sleep schedule has been sooo better now. I fucking sleep! And that’s a huge win-win for me! Secondly, I’ve stopped trying to please or impress people. Cause every time someone gets impressed, we start talking, same shit all over. Now, I do things to please myself. I wanna get into shape because I want to. I wanna look good cause it makes ME happy; not to appear flirtatious to another guy. Honestly though, this new mind-set has given me so much power internally. Like I feel like this empowered woman living for herself rather than to look appealing to a guy to get in his pants. I’m aware that it does make me sound like a whore.
Anyways, that’s what’s been going on for the past one month. I’m really blessed to say that my ex has finally moved on from me. He’s got a new gf and boy trust me when I tell you that I’m more happy than he is for his new relationship. Except for teeny-tiny glitch. He’s dating my best friend. What more do we need for drama now lol? And how does that make me feel? Uhm, if I could spill my honest thoughts here, it does get squeaky awkward when they get all lovey-dovey as a couple in front of me. Like get a room for real, man. I don’t need to see my ex and my best friend snuggling and cuddling every chance they get. I still am happy that he’s over me now. God, I’m so beyond grateful for that. Cause it literally took months after our break up for him to stop getting obsessed with him. But he and my friend? Uhm I’m not really sure about that now. But as long as he’s done with sticking with me, I couldn’t care less who he’s with.”