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Journal-109 It’s okay to relapse.

Date: 16.11.2022

Day: Wednesday

Self-pep talk. Listen. “I know you’ve been trying to eat healthy for the past one week. Not restricting, but eating everything in the right amount. In short, you did not over fill your tummy. You stopped when you were full. And making sure you didn’t let yourself starve gave a red light to binge eating. I know one week was a smooth bumpy-less ride for you. Yoga plus working out have been going great for you. And what did that lead you to? Yes, a loss of almost 2kgs. No cap, sis. I know it sounds unbelievable. I always thought the line “eating more to reduce weight” was a youtube clickbait, unless I saw it for myself. It’s all about knowing when to stop eating when you’re just about to get full, even if that means leaving some food in your plate. You can always eat it later. It’s yours. This is the mind-set of past one week. I think this is what people call intuitive eating. Everything was cool, until today. Yup, you did manage not to overeat today for lunch at the mall. I know you could’ve gone crazy and ordered a bunch of different stuffs. You could’ve bought a shit load of goodies today. But you didn’t. That’s progress. You haven’t overeaten or binged in 8 days. That’s progress. You know when to stop eating now when you’re almost 80% full. That’s fucking progress, bitch. You no longer watch all these food satisfying videos. Cause you’re not undernourished and you’re not restricting yourself. That’s progress again. So on a bigger picture, your graph of recovery has shot up if you compare your progress scale in the past few months. Remember few months back, you couldn’t go 2 hours without eating. You HAD to constantly nibble on something. You literally finished that whole pista cake by yourself. And not just one, buddy. Two. Two whole cakes of creams of different forms. And the amount of guilt and regret you had later. God! Don’t get me wrong now. I’m not blaming you or accusing you. You had to struggle through that. But look at you now. Eating healthy and working out consistently. If you were able to overcome that huge compulsive eating habit you had a few months back, you can overcome anything. Okay, all this leads me to say one thing: a day’s binge is not gonna ruin your progress. Get that through your thick skull. Progress is not linear. Recovery is not linear. Fine, you did eat a lot of coffee crackers plus a twisted croissant (which by the way, was amazing!) this evening. Yes, you did have a heavy dinner after that binge episode. And yes, you did skip today’s evening workout cause you were full af. So what? Move on. One day of lopsided eating is not gonna affect your progress. Yeah, you might get stomach ache and bloating and no energy to workout. You know the drill, but that is not a green signal to start restricting. I know your first instinct is to go light on tomorrow’s breakfast and restrict all goodies moving forward. And how is this “diet plan” worked out for you in the past huh? Yeah I didn’t think so. So the take-away lesson is you are recovering. You are in recovery. There will be days when your relapse. There will be times in future when you are gonna fall for a binge. But that’s completely alright. Your body is still worthy of getting nourished. Whatever you do, sweetie, DO NOT restrict yourself. DO NOT starve yourself. Remember metabolism, okay? Restricting has never helped you, and it never will. So get some sleep now, and tomorrow even if you’re full, get some protein and carbs for breakfast. And if you’re hungry, just eat till you’re satisfied. Listen to what your body needs, not to what people have to say. Relapses are a part of recovery. Don’t ever feel guilty for that. You had a fun day, exploring different foods today. Relapses aren’t the end of the world. Each time you relapse, you’re getting closer to your end. You’re progressing every day, even if it doesn’t fit the societal “healthy regime”. Your battle is yours to win, not for others to opine on. You’re doing amazing! I love you so much! Take care of your mind and your body. Cause you’re too special and precious for the world to lose!”


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