Journal-13 Victim of the past

Date: 28.03.2021

Day: Sunday

“How much longer do I have to wait? I am tired of existing in fear. I am so done pretending that everything is fine, when it’s not. Why am I still not free from my past? Why does every insignificant thing in my life trigger my memories? Those memories which I am trying my best to forget. How long till I can live like none of those recollections exist? Yes, I do know that it is because of the struggle that I’ve been through, that I am on the pedestal today. Yes, I am well aware that I have a huge headway emotionally and I am on the process of evolving. But why does everything around remind me of the things that are no longer a part of the present me? Why do I easily get triggered by some picture or something said by someone? Am I meant to be this way all through my life? Is my life typified to go this way? Am I supposed to live in constant fear of recurring past events? How long should I keep distracting myself from reality so that I don’t get depressed and triggered? And most of all, why am I still a victim of my past?

P.S. I initially started to write this as a poem, but then it turned out better as a diary entry. But I’ve got thoughts about creating a poem out of this.”

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