Journal-71 Count your calories? A hell no.

Date: 26.01.2022

Day: Wednesday

“Lemme walk you through of my life since the past one week. Exactly 7 days back, I installed a calorie counting app to, of course, count my calorie intake. Y’all know how obsessed I was with weight loss and healthy diets and maintaining a calorie deficient diet and god knows what else. OMG trust me when I tell you that this was the most stressed week of my life. My anxiety just shot up beyond the scale. Weight loss was I could think about, and it was all that was shown in my feed and browser history. It was indeed an obnoxious relationship with my body weight and food. Like I felt guilty if I had a bite extra than usual, but at the same time I was a victim to overeating. Ugh every bite I take, I was reminded to log in the calorie details. Also, burning cals was another stupid regime stuck in my head. I walked back and forth, up and down, side to side to burn my intake. With a fitness tracker on my wrist, every movement I made, even going to fetch a hair tie, counted. I was living under immense pressure. This led me into sifting through more related articles which, let me tell you, was of no help at all. It’s like my life wasn’t under my control anymore. I felt like I had surrendered my life to a dominating app. Like it cannot tell me what to eat, how much should I consume and all that shit. I control myself. Point blank period. Cause I fucking know what’s good for my body, and what isn’t. I know how much my intake should be. I know when to pull brakes on my diet when it’s goes off track. I can and I am capable of controlling myself. I don’t need a fucking pedometer on my wrist to count every step of my life (pun intended). So yeah, guess what I did last night. I couldn’t get sleep yesterday, tossing and turning. Cause my mind was filled with calorie intake and healthy workouts and AHHHH. I took my phone in the dark, and one click…app uninstalled. Phew! I felt a lot light minded. The shackles of mental control were finally off me. I was released. I was no longer a victim; rather the master of my life. The reins are in my hand again. A week of ultimate torture, I must say. Why do people do this to oneself? And also, does this have any sort of benefit? Like does it actually help you in weight loss? A hell no. In fact, I gained a kilo in the last one week.

Okay, so what did we learn from this? Never rely on an app to tell you how much veggies you should be eating? Yes and what’s more important is that the more you hyper fixate on something that you really desire, the farther it gets away from you. To put simply, more unnecessary attention and focus you give on your goals, the harder it get to achieve them. You know what you want in life. You also know the actions to be taken to get there. So why you gotta keep hovering over it day and night? It’s not gonna do any help, trust me. Set your intention, do the actions and just let go of it. Have trust in the Universe. It’s working tirelessly to bring your wants into reality. Faith. That’s the main ingredient. You really don’t have to keep fixating on it. It can get out of control and can totally ruin your mental health. It can even make you feel unworthy when your goals aren’t manifested. You start doubting yourself, your abilities and worse, the Universe. Now we wouldn’t want that, would we? No. we are powerful creators of our lived. We know what we want and we get it. Life’s that simple actually. So just breath and care less about the insignificant things in life. Let go and what you want will come right at your doorstep.

P.S.- this whole fitness freak phase has made me feel good, physically. Like my body felt a bit toned when I was motivated walk and burn calories all the time. But mentally, God no, it lead me spiraling. I almost lost the serenity of my sleep. It was pure mental torture inflicted upon me by me. Why would I lead myself to such a miserable life? Today, though I may not have burned cals as I did last week, I still feel light. My tummy feels like a happy lil feather. My mind was so peaceful and poise. There wasn’t any sort of mental strain, you know. Well, that’s good I guess. Lesson learned is that if something doesn’t feel right for your body or mind, leave it. No matter how many times people try to convince you otherwise. If it feels like shit, it is shit, so just let go of it. You’ll be much relaxed once you let go of those ropes that you’ve holding on to.”