“Back to vent. Been feeling a bit off lately. I’ve tried listening to some of my favorite songs. Unfortunately, those failed to boost me up. It feels weird to vent on Christmas day, you know. But then irrational emotions don’t come and go based on festivals or holidays. They just pop up whenever they want to. Whatever. There’s something new I’ve been feeling recently. I get this FOMO whenever I check my Instagram and TikTok feed. I only follow celebrities on that. But, I never give a damn about a celeb’s life. I just scroll and scroll, mindlessly. Yet, somehow in an unfathomable way, those posts seem to have a negative impact on my mind. It just seems to suck out the positivity out of my life. Quite uncanny, isn’t it? Usually I feel this when I see my friends flaunting their new amber crop top or a treat night they’ve had without me. But of late, I notice that I’m subconsciously comparing myself to these celebs. I know it’s not how it appears to be, but they just seem to get their life together. Gosh, it looks so perfect and flawless. And you know what’s even weirder? I feel the same way when I watch Netflix. Like why dude? It’s just a tv show. Yet my dumb-ass brain compares my real life to a pretend-life on tv. What is wrong with me? This is so not me. I was never like this. I was this type of person who observes everything, but never imbibes. Now it’s the opposite. I happen to absorb everything that I come across. I get this false feeling that everyone is just out there, enjoying their lives away, while I’m here with a bunch of assignments. This is so not true. People just post the best moments of their lives. They go through a hell of bad things than I do. I know for a fact that my life is way better than theirs. It’s just that I don’t publicize it. I have a purpose and I’m not gonna be side-tracked from my goal because of these fake posts. Okay cool, that made me a lot better. Writing down your thoughts and emotions is really a good way to get them off your chest. You know what I should do? I should take a well-deserved break from this redundant scrolling habit of mine. It’s not that I get something productive out of it. Yup. That’s exactly what I should do. I’m sure it will do me good. Prioritize my spiritual side. Maybe this FOMO is a sign that I should shift my focus back to spirituality.
So I guess that’s all for now. This is my first diary entry since I’ve come to Bahrain this year. Cools.”