Journal-22 What the moon teaches us

Date: 25.05.2021

Day: Tuesday

” A blank mind. Completely wiped out. Uhm why can’t I remember the reason why I popped in here? Yeah, I’m not feeling my best today. Nothing excites me, as usual. I bet y’all are tired of me get all whiny. Well, what can I say? This is what you’ve signed up for. The raw authentic me. Coming back, let me start from the beginning. This morning, unlike the rest of the days, I didn’t have the usual enthusiasm to check my phone. I lacked the energy to respond or talk to anyone. I know my birthday’s coming up in 5 days. But no, that doesn’t boost me up. Sigh. It’s not like I’m sad. I just don’t feel the need or in other words, I lack the appetite to do stuffs. Mere existence is what I feel right now. You feel me? And then, I stumbled upon this TikTok video where a doctor talks about symptoms of depression. She mentioned that depression isn’t always about being sad. It also includes not feeling the mood to do your usual hobbies that makes you release endorphins. So I guess I am depressed. Well, I did just lose interest in basically everything that allures me.

THIS FEELING SUCKS AF!!!! I JUST WANNA TALK MYSELF OUT OF IT AND JUST GET IT ALL OUT OF MY CHEST!!! THIS IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. WTFF WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS SHITTY FEELING? ARGH!

Sorry about that now. I just had to get it off my chest. I just had to. Know what? This writing in whole block letters low-key made me feel good. I must try this often. Okay, what’s new then? Oh, it’s full moon tomorrow. So that’s good. Yeah, that reminds me. This evening, while I had gone to dispose of the trash outside, I noticed my love (the moon, of course, duh) was shining luminously as ever. I gazed with a subtle smile for a while. That’s when it occurred. The moon, however cloudy and moody the sky appears, never fails to brighten up the night. Kinda felt like writing a poem on it. Don’t worry, I’ve made a mental note on writing it soon. The moon lightening up the dark murky sky contradicts my emotions today. When I had every reason to be happy today, my dumbass brain decides to turn on the depression switch on. Ugh. But look at the moon, it smiles gaily even when the whole sky is dull and grey. Though the moon has every reason not to smile, it chose to smile. I wish we all could adopt that way of living. Just smile and brighten up the world, even when the surroundings appear depressed. Okay, I am definitely gonna a write a poem on this. Alright then, guess I have updated you with everything, though it’s like the same shit written again and again. So, adios then.”

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