Journal-28 Open conversations

Date: 30.06.2021

Day: Wednesday

” Okay, so today’s entry might seem a bit unlike me, but it is what it is. I’ve come to a realization that…omg I can’t believe I’m saying this but…I’ve realized that opening up about how you truly feel about a person isn’t as scary and detrimental as I thought it would be. Y’all gotta take my word for it cause it’s so true. Remember the guy from the previous snippet who I was “jealous” of. Well yeah, recently I told him about how I actually felt about him. And hell no, it’s not what you think. I mindfully confessed that I felt he was using me as a mere pawn to get him closer to my friend. And I assumed that unfolding this contemplation of mine would dramatically bring our friendship to a halt. But guess what? He genuinely appreciated that I opened up to him, and he did in fact manage to convince me about the contrary. So that went well, unexpectedly. And today, I called (yeah, that’s right, me being an introvert voluntarily talked over the phone) my friend to check on her. And also, because I wanted to tell her about this guy who I thought was “getting in the middle” of us, most importantly. And guess what? Yeah, I was so beyond relieved to actually express my feelings to a human. Like what has gotten into me? Dude! The main reason why I never unclogged my mind to anyone before was because I feared the consequences that followed. I feared people judging me. I feared misunderstanding. But then, now, I had this intuition that I should tell people how I earnestly feel about them. Ngl, I was a tad scared in the beginning. But once I got it out of my chest, I honestly cannot describe that feeling of intense relief. I didn’t care what it led to, neither did I care about what people thought of me, because all of those aren’t in my control. So what’s the point of worrying over it? I did my part. How they react or respond to it is none of my fucking business. Wow. I really have evolved, haven’t I? Hehe, I am, yeah, proud of myself. And I also intend to add this new found thought of mine to my book. The title’s gonna be “The power of opening up”. Honestly though, as a socially anxious female, I never thought I’d talk about the pros of openly expressing your pent up emotions. Well, now we know that it’s way better than bottling up your feelings. Lesson learned.”