Journal-55 Depression ain’t no joke

Date: 08.12.2021

Day: Wednesday

“Depression gets worse when you’re with people, like when there’s a lot of humans around you. Cause you gotta pretend all the time that you’ve got your shit together. They say depression gets alleviated when you are surrounded by people. Nah dude, you are forced to put on a fake smile and pretend that everything’s under your control. “Why not just open up and have a free conversation with them?”- you may ask. Been there, cause everytime you try to talk about the inner demons you’re battling with, they make it sound like it’s “irrational” or “normal”. You are responded with “oh this is just a temporary feeling. It’ll pass, trust me.” or “yo you just gotta focus on good things in life.” “See the bright side of life”- they say. Like bitch, if it were that easy, I wouldn’t be here trying to muffle my midnight screams. I wouldn’t be fighting with my past traumas if “I could just see the positive side of things.” Ugh. It ain’t that simple. And yeah, it’s real. It’s fucking real, dude. Live with it, you say? Well, that’s cause you haven’t been through the dark nights fighting all alone with the devils only visible to your eyes. And you know what’s worse than dealing with your depressive episodes all on your own? It’s when you wake up every day, force yourself to turn that frown upside down and convince people that you’re doing much better than just “okay”. It ain’t easy to feign happiness. Oh wait, what’s that? Fake it till you make it huh. Like you want me to pretend that I’m happy so I could actually be happy by faking it? Wow. Like wow. Sigh, and you say I’m the one being irrational here.”

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